Birth is Power: Priscilla's Story

The night before my daughter was born, I began to feel contractions while nursing my son to sleep.  As soon as he was sleeping, I set up my yoga ball and started to bounce on it and breathe gently through each sensation.  It took me a while to fully commit to myself that it was definitely the start of labor, because, while still contractions, these were incredibly mild.  

It all felt like such a calm and relaxed environment, and I was full of joy and anticipation.  We went to bed and I brought my yoga ball with me to our bedroom, trying different positions and receiving the sensations.  They weren’t getting any stronger, but were staying consistent.

I was able to sleep comfortably and without any issue at all until about 4am when my son cried and woke up requesting to nurse, which was difficult to achieve with my contractions.  My husband got up with him while I started to get more and more into labor mode and retreated into my birthing space.

I had everything set up--some supplies, my birth affirmations and Bible verses--on the wall of our guest bedroom, the room that I kept envisioning as the space that I would be able to retreat away from the rest of the house, where I imagined birthing surrounded by many of our plants with the light of day shining in from the windows.

And in depth with all the details, the exact birth of my dreams that I was imagining throughout my pregnancy, ended up being manifested the day my daughter was born.

Since it was just my husband and I and our son Sage, that meant that my husband would be the one tending to Sage while I was in labor. He couldn’t physically be near me, but the whole time I felt completely held and supported by him, my son, and above all God. The presence of God was so evident.

There were very brief moments where I would hear them come in and out.  I realized that I was getting exactly what I needed, which was to be able to retrieve completely on my own mind, body, and spirit.

There were a few moments throughout my whole labor where my husband would come in and check in, or give me something to drink or eat while my son wanted to join me. At one point, I was in our bathtub, and my son wanted to get in and he joined me for a short bath. By then, I was already very vocal and moaning through each contraction.

There was a very vivid moment where I was just vocalizing and holding tight on the bathtub on my knees, and my son leaned in to touch my belly and just watch me for a moment. I began to get louder, and he decided he was finished in the tub and he got out.  I continued labor around  my secret altar--my tiny bathroom. The size really didn’t matter, because it felt like my safe space, a comforting place to be and labor in for many hours. I must have filled and emptied that tub about five times to keep the water warm. Although I had imagined I would just use the bathtub if I really felt called to water, I never imagined how huge of an impact on a big part of my labor it would be.

It was wild how I kept actually going to sleep and drifting away for a few seconds, sometimes a few minutes, in between each of the contractions. My husband brought in the speaker and I told him to put on some worship music. I laid in the bathtub, listening to the words of the songs playing softly in the background. These words became prayers and meditations I could lean on. I would speak out loud and proclaim these words that I was listening to over this birth experience. I would repeat some of the words I would hear, and then suddenly feel a supernatural peace and strength. 

It was still morning, and the intensity of each surge kept getting stronger and closer together, and I continued to surrender, welcoming in each new and more intense sensation.  I continued to lean in and receive each wave of contractions that were filled with purpose, knowing with certainty that the time was drawing closer and closer to meeting our baby.

I kept feeling my body opening more and more. The intensity of each wave was growing more powerful, stronger by the second, without any pauses in between, just taking over.

After I felt the gush of water breaking and falling out of my body so rapidly, I was definitely certain that the baby would be coming home within the next few minutes.

I continued on hands and knees, gripping tightly to our ottoman, getting louder and louder--I was vocalizing and trying to breathe through the fire of those moments right before.

I felt like I was between two worlds. Transitioning. Deeply connected and aware of my body and what was happening.

I didn’t need to be saved. I didn’t need to be numbed. I didn’t need to be helped. 

It was all happening the way it was created to feel. Birth is power and I knew birth was happening through me, not to me.

I fought for this--this hormonal blueprint that’s supposed to unfold for psychological, undisturbed birth to happen, according to how God designed our bodies to work, in the most optimal environment possible for it all to unfold: my familiar, cozy, safe altar. My home. My sanctuary. 

I felt the expansion. I felt the softening .  I felt the opening. I felt my baby so close to me and ready to come earthside.

I called my husband over because I knew the moment was coming.

Our son was peacefully asleep in our bedroom just across the hallway from where I was. His first full long nap all day--divine timing. 

My husband came in and paused for a moment, taking it all in, watching and waiting.

He set up the camera and immediately came behind me with open ready hands waiting to catch his baby, because I was certainly not going to let go of the ottoman I was gripping with all of my strength and might. 

Once again I knew that he was going to catch our baby, and that his hands would be the first to touch him or her--my sacred birth keeper guarding this sacred ceremony of birth with such honor and reverence .

He had the camera in the perfect position to capture all that was about to unfold.

The moment where our baby was between worlds and where I am transcending and rebirthing myself as I pass through the fire, the most refining, purifying fire, was the most spiritually transformative moment of this whole experience.

My body was working completely--the fetal ejection reflex, with such ease and quickness, slippery body still emerging, and there’s already a cry--a bold and loud cry!  She came with fire in her soul with such tenacity, ready to join us.

I roared our daughter into the world.

It felt primal and very raw and animalistic.

It was healing and renewing, for me and to our family. 

A lot of inner work that had to happen before this moment in order to prepare my mind, body and spirit for this initiation and rebirth. 

At this point I was not even thinking about the gender, but after my husband passed our baby through my legs and I pulled her onto my chest, he asked the baby “What is your name?”

We looked together and found out that we were meeting our daughter. 

I felt incredibly elated! Pure bliss and Joy.  Complete euphoria and ecstasy.

- Priscilla